A San Francisco Christmas
by What subtext
Summary: Christmas one shot, The team head to San Francisco to investigate a ghostly tale? HG/Myka Other pairing implied.


**A San Francisco Christmas.**

WRITTEN BY: WHAT SUBTEXT?

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTORS ALL RIGHTS TO WAREHOUSE 13 CREATORS

PAIRING: MYKA/HG WELLS FEMSLASH ROMANCE

RAITING: MATURE

PROOF READ BY: Aynot. (Thanks for saying I should publish this. it's just a bit of fun really.)

**This story is a stand alone and is not directly linked to current events in My Own Darkest Villain story, Merry xmas to all, Stay away from the Gin, (you know who you are!)**

* * *

Artie sat waiting for his Agents. Only Claudia and Leena sat with him as he tapped his fingers impatiently on the table. Pete jogged in from his run and promptly sat down. Everyone looked for Myka but she did not emerge from behind Pete. He explained.

"Myka has "slept in" this morning guys."

At that Helena and Myka walked down the stairs together, Passing Leena's oversized Christmas tree in the hall. Helena felt sombre on the festive season, Charles was gone and so was Christina. She cursed the tree as she walked past remembering Charles and his constant fusing over where to put their family tree. He would drive the household staff mad as he constantly wanted it elsewhere. Artie rolled his eyes realizing they had both come out of Myka's room. He still feared Helena would hurt Myka in the long run.

As they all gathered round the table Artie began to brief them on their mission. He gave out newspaper cuttings, the headline read **"Christmas Ghost strikes again!"**

Pete thought it was cool, Myka thought it ridiculous. HG did not really respond she just waited for more info from Artie. He explained that a five star hotel in San Francisco had reported three staff suicides in the last two weeks. All claimed to be seeing an entity before leaping to their deaths from the hotel roof. It happened every Christmas. Artie as usual suspected an artifact was involved. He spoke to the group.

"Basically, you're all going, think of it as a Christmas vacation." Artie was being sarcastic.

Leena spoke up.

"What about the B&B?"

"I can sort the B&B. You may be needed at the hotel; you might pick up on something supernatural?"

Helena had never been to San Francisco before. There were not many places she hadn't been in her time as an Agent. She rose from her chair to make a hot drink placing her hand on Myka's as she stood. The look on Arties face was priceless. Claudia scoffed at Myka as her gaze remained on Helena as she performed even the most basic of tasks. Helena muttered as she poured the hot water into a novelty Santa mug. She cursed the mug and its ridiculous impractical shape. Artie overheard her cursing the mug as he had the Christmas tree.

"You know, it's you're lot who are to blame for all this Christmas crap."

Helena smiled knowing exactly what he meant.

Pete was confused over his wording. He thought "you're lot" referred to Gays.

Myka explained.

"When we celebrate Christmas we have the Victorians to thank for many of its festivities and customs. They revived old traditions, such as Carolling, and invented new ones such as sending Christmas cards. The Victorians also promoted church-going, gift-giving, and charity to the poor as essential parts of the holiday. They transformed the folk figures of Father Christmas and Santa Claus into symbols of holiday generosity, and they greatly popularized Germany's traditional Christmas tree or _Christbaum."_

Helena sighed with boredom, Myka sounded like Charles.

"Yes yes, we were wonderful creatures. It's a shame Queen Victoria's breath smelt like a dogs arse though."

Pete spat his breakfast across the table and fell into fits of laughter, HG had a sense of humour. Artie did not like the way she was infiltrating the group.

SAN FRANCISCO.

Leena, Claude, Myka, Pete and HG walked up the steep inclines of the streets of San Francisco.

Helena was in love immediately with the tram cars, they pleased her much more than the dreaded motor cars that constantly tried to end her live.

Pete lingered back from the group finding he wanted food yet again.

"Wow! ... 18 mini pancakes, Cream, Bacon, Butter and Syrup. If you can eat it all its free, I could totally eat that twice, Myka you game?"

Helena pulled her face in revulsion; the eating habits of men had not changed.

Pete noticed Helena's grimace.

"Oh, my Lady does not approve, would you prefer a pot of tea and some crumpet?"

Helena went to slap Pete but Myka held her hand firmly and reined her in. Myka knew the feeling of wanting to smash Pete in the jaw all too well.

As Myka took Helena's hand a boyish looking woman approached and looked Helena up and down. Helena winked back and watched as the woman turned back to look at her again from behind.

Myka stopped dead. Leena and Claudia had to perform emergency stops as they were trailing behind and nearly collided into them.

Myka whispered to Helena.

"Am I going to end up pulling my gun and badge on every woman here because you are insatiable?"

"Aw, are you terribly jealous?" Helena wrapped herself cobra style round Myka."

Myka frowned at Helena.

"I'd much rather you fought with your bare hands for me; I'm more than sure you would do me proud and win."

Myka looked disapprovingly at HG.

Helena pushed her hands down the back of Mykas tight jeans to feel her naked arse.

"My dear girl, you know nobody can f**k me like you can."

From behind both Leena and Claudia overheard this confession. Claudia was mortified at the sexual element and the sound of a posh British accent saying f**k. It always sounded cruder to her ear that way. Myka was stricken and still very much enveloped by Helena's coils.

Claudia chastised Helena from behind.

"Hey England, have ever heard of the term "earshot", as in we are in it?"

Leena spat out her laughter, Claudia had her own unique way of wording things; Helena's words did not bother her as much as they did Claudia.

Helena unravelled herself from a paralyzed Myka and stood in between Claudia and Leena, linking Claudia's arm as they walked. The over familiar contact totally threw Claudia and she could not help but notice how nice Helena smelt. Leena sniggered to herself as Claudia's aura fizzed over as it went through several different emotions at once.

"My Dear Miss Donavan, are you sure you wish to find yourself a young man?"

"What ...of course I do."

"Well, it's just you and Leena make such a lovely pair, you did rather drag out your displeasure over her involvement in the Macpherson affair, perhaps the lady doth protest too much?"

Helena unlinked Claudia and skipped back to Myka who was already shaking her head at her. She believed Helena could destroy the calm of even the most highly practiced Buddhist, even during deep meditation.

Claudia turned bright red and even the super chilled Leena lost her footing and stumbled. Pete saved them both from this awkward moment by putting his arm round both girls; Pete started the great breakfast debate of pancakes vs. eggs?

**The Hotel**

The hotel was grand and Helena felt at home immediately. She found herself loving this city more and more. Myka thought the front door and its giant ornate door knocker to be the ugliest thing she had ever seen. Myka approached the desk and showed her badge. They were taken to their rooms. Pete had his own room, Claudia was to share with Leena and Myka was surprised to see Artie had booked her and Helena in together. They were taken to the roof.

Leena felt a chill up there that was nothing to do with the cool afternoon air. Claudia fiddled with a gizmo that reminded Pete of the PKE meter from Ghostbusters. Helena looked over the edge and out at the city, the view was incredible. Myka thought she looked stunning with the wind blowing in her dark hair. Myka was madly in love it would seem and was eager to get Helena back into bed.

Most of the suicides happened around midnight. Myka requested to be shown the staff quarters to look for leads. Leena felt a strong buzz of dark energy, nothing as strong as what she had felt with HG but it was strong none the less. The room was trashed and the walls had random words and verses written all over them. Claudia wanted out of there and clung to Pete. Helena felt no fear at all as a picture suddenly flew from the wall, hitting the porter who had let them in the room. Claudia ran from the room quickly followed by Leena. Myka felt unnerved and Pete was scared. As cool as ghosts were he stood extra close to Myka for support.

Helena scribbled down the words on the wall. She did recognise them, but from where?

_Dead to begin with._

_I wear the chain I forged in life. _

_Seven years dead._

_Dead as a door-nail._

Myka looked at Helena.

"What is it Helena?"

"I'm not sure, it's something, I can't recall."

Pete found Claudia and Leena and suggested they all get an early night.

**LATER ON**

Leena and Claudia lay in their separate beds in their luxury twin room, The TV was on they began to argue over the channel choice. Leena hushed Claudia, she gestured for the remote and hit mute. Claudia was confused then realised what Leena was giggling at. From next door Myka and Helena could be clearly over heard having sex. Claudia quickly shoved her fingers in her ears but no matter how hard she pressed down she could still hear them and the continuous thud hitting the wall behind her own bed. Leena threw her pillow at Claudia and she gave in and listened in with a giggling Leena. Mykas voice came through the wall, muffled but audible.

"Oh God Helena ...You're such a bitch! ... OH GOD!"

Lamps smashed and Helena's accent was heard begging Myka not to stop. Claudia would never be able to listen to the voice greeting Helena had done for her again. Claudia prayed Pete could not hear them also. She was sure he would be stupid enough to climb out onto the window ledge to get a visual of them both. Especially when hearing Helena's next statement.

"I bet I can make your pleasure come across my face again Agent Bering."

Claudia was shocked yet again and screamed back at the wall.

"Ear shot people! ...ear shot!"

Myka's fists could be heard slamming into the wall again and Leena realised why Myka's door had to be replaced at the B&B.

As the vocal performance seemed to stop Claudia and Leena lay in silence still wide awake. Leena would have been lying if she said Helena's last statement hadn't turned her on. Leena wondered if HG had made her orgasms slightly louder for their young ears. Claudia spoke out first.

"Listen Leena, what HG said earlier today, she thinks all women are gay."

"It's ok Claudia, I get it, HG was just teasing you."

"Ok well, I just want to say you're pretty and all so if I was I would, but I'm not so I won't."

Claudia rolled her eyes at herself. It had made sense in her head but sounded weird out loud.

Leena laughed for several seconds, Claudia's statement was so stupid but sweet in a way.

"Well for the record Claudia, I think you're kinda cute, and I'm not either, but I think I might, just the once."

At that Leena turned over and pulled her duvet over herself leaving Claudia with her mouth open, catching Californian flies. Claudia would also have been lying if she said Leena's last statement hadn't turned her on slightly. Claudia looked down at her crotch and crossed her legs trying to quiet it down. She blamed HG for this bleeding of her sexuality. Leena was still awake and could see Claudia's shadow still sat up. She knew if Claudia came over to her bed she may not kick her out of it. Leena also blamed HG for pushing her buttons. She was evil.

The night went on and the clock ticked closer to midnight. Pete lay fast asleep with the TV still on. Myka lay with Helena, her head on her chest, looking down Myka saw nothing but black hair softly tickling her skin. Helena had dozed off with one hand on Myka's left breast. Claudia had also drifted off just like Leena. The sound of a loud ghostly knock awoke all of them. Pete ran to Myka's room she opened the door to him and cowered inside.

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes we did."

Pete forgot that Helena would be with Myka as she waved from the bed clearly naked but covering herself from him. The loud knock came again. Screams could be heard from the street below. Myka ran for the roof, Helena called after her. Pete stood starring at Helena in the bed sheets.

"Agent Lattimer, I have no intention of disrobing for your male eye."

Pete had forgotten himself and ran after Myka. He found her on the roof looking down, another staff member had jumped. As Pete joined her the whole atmosphere changed to ice cold and apparitions surrounded them, mumbling the same quotes from the walls of the staff quarters. Myka felt the entities unfriendly and ducked as a light fitting from the wall flew at her. Leena appeared on the roof and all the figures surrounded her. Pete and Myka continued to duck objects that hurtled towards them and Leena walked in a trance like state to the roof edge. Myka felt helpless. Helena appeared in the doorway of the roof garden stair well and all the apparitions stood still. Leena dropped to her knees and the figures retreated from Helena's own shadow as she stepped onto the roof. They were afraid of her. Helena went to aid Leena and suggested they all return to bed, not that anyone would sleep after that.

At breakfast Claudia was wired and jittery from lack of sleep. Her foot tapped repeatedly on the floor much to Myka's annoyance. Helena sat down with just a cup of tea and frowned at Pete as he ate a large chocolate muffin. He looked up at Helena and smiled with chocolate encased teeth. She ignored him and sat next to Myka, almost on her knee. Myka finally snapped at Claudia.

"For Christ sake Claudia, stop the tapping!"

Helena looked up from her tea cup and spoke to Claudia with a wolfish grin on her lips.

"Where is your Leena?"

"My Leena ...she's not my Leena, why would you say that?"

At that Leena came to the table and sat down next to Claude. Helena still held her tea cup in her girlish hands and cocked her head to one side. Her hair fell sideways and her wolfish grin remained in place. Her eyes shot between the two young girls as if she were watching at tennis match. Claudia looked back at her.

"What?"

"Nothing Miss Donavan, did you have sweet dreams last night I wonder"

Myka turned to HG.

"What are you doing to them?"

"The fun thing is, their doing it to themselves, I just pushed a little."

"Well stop pushing."

Pete made a start on his breakfast eggs. He would come to regret his next question.

"So HG, you're a genius, which came first the Chicken or the egg?"

Helena replied.

"The question about the first chicken or egg also evokes the questions of how life and the universe in general began. Cultural references to the chicken and egg intend to point out the futility of identifying the first case of a circular cause and consequence. It could be considered that in this approach lies the most fundamental nature of the question. A literal answer is somewhat obvious, egg-laying species pre-date the existence of chickens. However, the metaphorical view sets a metaphysical ground to the dilemma."

Claudia had to respond.

"You really did have a lot of time to think in that Bronzer didn't you."

The Farnsworth buzzing spoilt Helena's lesson.

Artie made contact saying the entities Myka described sounded more like dark energy resonating from an artifact.

Helena constantly wrote out the words from the walls from the staff quarters as she took the hotels elevator back to her room, she knew the words she was sure of it.

_Dead to begin with._

_I wear the chain I forged in life. _

_Seven years dead._

_Dead as a door-nail._

Claudia stood with her hood up waiting for the hotels elevator. She bounced up and down on the spot and got several looks from the other hotel guests. She did look like a down and out. As the doors pinged open Helena was stood inside, Her hands were behind her back making her look extra creepy to Claudia. Claudia hesitated to get inside with her. Helena found Claudia's fear of her exhilarating.

"Come now Claudia, I will only bite you once." Helena smiled at a spinning Claudia

Claudia reluctantly got in and stood in the way of the buttons as the doors closed. Helena stepped towards her trying to hit the necessary button hidden behind the teenager. Claudia yelled for help and covered both sides of her neck with her hands as Helena moved into her space.

"If you kiss me or kill me I'm telling Myka ok."

Helena rose both her eyebrows thinking Claudia may find telling Myka that she had killed her somewhat taxing.

"The button, you're in the way child."

Claudia slid sideways out of the way of the buttons. The elevator started up and Claudia looked at herself in the mirror in the elevator. Helena couldn't resist.

"What do you know, I have a reflection Miss Donavan, are you surprised?"

"No, you're smart ... you could have fixed that." Claudia pulled her hood around her neck again.

The elevator played 50's Christmas classics that Claudia hated; she cursed Artie for booking her room on such a high floor. She did not know what to say to Myka's lover.

"You know in England these things are called lifts."

Helena looked sideways at her teenage hostage.

"That's very educational; I shall have to write that down immediately Miss Donavan."

The doors opened and Helena slid pass Claudia, her temptation was to grab the sides of her face and kiss her on the mouth as she left. She feared the teenager would tell Myka and she would really not approve, whether the kiss was in jest or not. As the doors closed Claudia sank to the floor in relief.

Helena let herself into her hotel room and called out to Myka. There was no response and on the bed lay two small packages wrapped in colourful Christmas paper. Helena inspected the packages and found her name written on them. She sank onto the bed and held one of the gifts in her hand. She did not deserve Myka she thought.

"You can open them if you like" Myka appeared behind her.

"I can't recall the last time I received a Christmas present."

Myka sat on the bed with Helena and ran her fingers through her long jet black hair. Helena smiled and eagerly undid the paper. The first gift was a snow globe with the San Francisco cable cars inside. She had seen Helena's face light up every time one chugged past. The second was a book. Helena looked sad; this was a book she would read to Christina. Charles Dickens: "A Christmas Carol".

"I read this often to my daughter."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you." Myka felt awful.

"No, it's a fine present ...thank you" Helena kissed Myka on the lips and then quickly shot up off the bed.

"Helena, what is it?" Myka wondered what the problem was.

"The words on the wall, they're in this book."

Helena was correct. The words on the walls of the staff quarters were exerts from the Dickens Christmas classic.

"So the Artifact is what, another copy of this book?"

Helena didn't think so.

"It's not another copy, that banging we heard ...hang on."

Helena skipped through the pages of the book and stated an all knowing, A-ha!

She read out load to Myka.

_Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about the knocker on the door, except that it was very large. It is also a fact, that Scrooge had seen it, night and morning, during his whole residence in that place... Let it also be borne in mind that Scrooge had not bestowed one thought on Marley, since his last mention of his seven years' dead partner that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Scrooge, having his key in the lock of the door, saw in the knocker, without its undergoing any intermediate process of change - not a knocker, but Marley's face._

Helena closed the book. Myka looked on confused.

"That banging sound, it's a door knocker, that's the artefact."

Myka stood and stated a resounding "A-HA!" of her own.

"I knew I didn't like that front door."

Both women grabbed their coats in search of the rest of the gang.

Helena and Myka came face to face with Claudia who looked wide eyed and panicked. Another staff member was on the roof and Pete and Leena were up there trying to calm the jumper down.

Myka spoke slowly to Claudia to calm her down

"Claudia, do you have some artifact neutralizer with you?"

"Yea, I have it in my room"

"Go get it and come meet me and HG at the front door."

Claudia sped off to her room unsure of the point of the plan but trusting Myka's judgement. Minutes later all three women stood face to face with the ugliest door knocker in San Francisco. They held onto the big bucket of purple neutralizer together. Myka gave the command.

"On Three ... One, Two, Three!"

They threw the bucket of goo together then shielded their eyes as the artefact sparked and flashed at them. The artefact was neutralized and Pete and Leena managed to save the staff member on the roof.

On the flight back to South Dakota Pete snored in his seat and Claudia had fallen asleep with her head on Leena's shoulder. Helena gave Leena a wink and Leena looked away out of the airplane window hiding her smile from Helena. Myka got the Dickens book out of Helena's bag.

"So do you fancy giving me a bed time story?"

Helena snatched the book from Myka."

"My pleasure young lady."

Myka snuggled in and listened as Helena's warming tone filled her ears.

"_Marley was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail"_

The end 

_(Possible Claudia/Leena fic to come?)_


End file.
